Meet.

It seems I once again failed at keeping a regular Blog. But then again, no one really commented it or read any of it...I assume. Im going to pretend im stopping, when really Im just giving up. I might add something to the blog If i feel the need, but its doubtful.

In case You're some random curious reader, who is seeing this years ahead of time, please email me at:

bramwolfe@yahoo.com

Id like to meet someone new.

-<3

When the times are tough, and you have no one but yourself, rely on yourself.
Today I was in a neutral mood, and in anticipation of a stressful, possibly depressed week of exams, I wrote myself a letter.
It basically says:
Hey
Dont think so much
You have something others dont
I love you
Bye
-It was more of a suicidal prevention kit than anything.

I folded it up and placed it in my desk. I wrote "All the hate in the world...is avoidable" on the outside.

<3

Livingontheflipside.blogspot.com

My Oh-So wonderful sister Amy made a video for me! Apparently she's sent my a christmas present! I remember the first time I looked at Amy's blog...A big mess of colors, pictures, and cartoons...It was strange, yet appealing. As the days went by I read more and more...I even tried to read her entire 2+years worth of posts! I got about half way, and gave up for school. From this last summer I stopped reading her blog because I was busy and just didnt see the point. I loved her to death, but I just felt uninvolved and like I was watching a soap opera that i should be a part of, not spectating...finally I started reading again, and then I would comment almost every single post. Then she asked for my new adress and here i am!
I was so happy when I saw that video...I finally, finally felt a part of something. I wasnt just some kid who read her page anymore, I was her lil bro =)
-Much love from your Bman <3<3<3

Audrey~Dreams

I had a dream that I was away at some small college of like 50 Students. It was in the mountains or something. Ryan Spore, a smart kid at my school was like the leader of it. Audrey was there, a girl im not friends with but once had a crush on. It was weird, because in the dream there was also Maddie, another girl i use to like but a girl who rejected me. In the dream I was looking through cameras, like a security gaurd does, but somehow I could control the cameras too. I chose the cam that was on Maddie, who was at a computer in a room full of electronics. I thought it would be funny if i made the little camera movew forward and fall on her lap. So i made it fall, but it bounced around and hit all the electronics and started a small fire, destroying thousands of dollars of equipment. Sport talked to Maddie and blamed her and was just overal pissed because he thought it was her fault. I immediately ran to Spore and told him it was my fault and explained. I then ran over to Maddie and told her what I did and I was sorry and I told Spore. Im not sure how she reacted, she might of yelled at me or hugged me....
In my second dream I was at this carnival thing my Middle School was holding. It was setup behind the school, but on the inside was an opera house. I went in and saw the opera reherseal from way up high and got quesy. My dad was there, and we went to the lower level near the carnival enterance. I felt like i was at my job, the afterschool care one at the middleschool (in real life) so i saw this girl, i think she was a kid i was supposed to be watching. She had found a bunch of sticks that were sparklers/roman candles and lit them. I grabbed them and dropped all the ones that werent lit, and then took the rest and as a joke ran into the opera and threw them through the air into the crowd. I got in trouble and my dad and I had to leave.

-Also, I dont know when or where this happened, I think inbetween the 2 dreams, I was with Audrey and she was on the verge of tears and i felt so bad i had a pain in my heart, I hugged her tight and right as i felt that i should tell her i loved her, she told me. I was so surprised and happy i held her more and told her i loved her too. I felt so great, like she finally opened up the sadness she hides to me, and let me love her.

Dreams

   Last night I stayed up talking to friends again. On the computer anyway.
When I went to bed I tried listening to my Zune (basically an iPod) but the battery died.
Ive been using music lately to distract me so when Im laying down alone, sad thoughts dont creep in. I guess I was too tired to let that happen (fortunately) but I still had dreams. Which isnt always good.
I had 2 bad dreams. I call them "bad dreams" because they arent really nightmares. A nightmare is something that makes me feel scared and effects my mood when I wake up. A bad dream just depresses me and/or freaks me out.
My first dream was about baseball. It was some team against the Reds. I was apparently on the Red's team. The old manager (whoever that is) was up to bat. He was about ready, then he put his bat down and walked up to the pitcher and yelled at him about something and was crying, I think.
Later I was in this gunstore that the manager owned (weird) and there were 7 or so masked people outside beating up some guy. They had some guns and this guy was screaming. I yelled at the manager to give me a gun, or a grenade, but he couldnt. He was tied up or something, so all I could do was stand there and watch these people murder this poor man.
My next dream was that I drove over to Katie's house with my family. Her mom, dad, and brother were outside. My parents were walking with me to our car. Supposedly we left our car at their place after all this time and we went over to go get it. I walked up to the car and heard katie's footsteps behind me. A part of me didnt want to see her, because I knew it would hurt too much, and another, deeper part wanted to hug her. Eventually I turned around and she was "frollocking" and running around, as if I wasn't even there. A part of me was so angry I wanted to scream at her "How is he? Is he a good fuck?".
I made my self say nothing, and then I woke up.

Its weird. because I hate baseball, but katie's dad and brother are very involved with it.
What a shitty morning.
I need to send her that CD.